I have to say - I love our church. It has been home for 6 years. We have had no real desire to change / move / church shop even though it is having some challenges.
My youngest has fought me going to church the past 5 years... so much so that I don't even bother to try to take her in the summer time.
Sat, Aug 12th, she asked me if we could go to church the next day...but at a different church.
I was a little shocked and surprised by this question - but said sure.
Then started thinking about where to take her.
With all her sensory needs and anxiety I was very hesitant...
She has also been asking me to help her find a friend with "brown skin" (yes - these are her words, sorry to offend anyone)...
I have a friend who has adopted from Kenya and I found out where they go to church and we checked it out... She was not there - but it was a really great Sunday.
My daughter sat through the whole service except to go to the washroom once (which is amazing in itself)...
It was a very colorful church and very open to the uniqueness of all God's people. I was pleasantly surprised by the man who appeared to have Down Syndrome dance and play his harmonica on stage, and another older lady with the same dancing with her streamer during the worship in music time.And no one seemed uncomfortable or put off by it - It warmed my heart to see the inclusiveness.
My little one asked me if we could go back - so I look forward to taking her again next week and seeing what God says to us.
It was a place that kind of felt like home without really knowing anyone - just knowing that my girls and I would be accepted in this place / space and not feel out of place or like we make people feel uncomfortable by us being there.
It is possible that God is asking us to switch - I don't know yet. I will listen and see where He leads our family.
...update...it is now 3 months later...we still love it!
Monday, August 14, 2017
Sabbatical
I have decided to take a "Sabbatical".
The time seems right and our family needs it.
Come fall 2017 - I have chosen to take a break from all planning & leadership roles, babysitting, extra evening activities...and just choose a few support groups and an evening out to connect one on one with friends and grow those relationships. Our family needs to take time to re-connect and learn to communicate lovingly. We somehow have forgotten how to do this.
During this time we will hopefully learn new tools and seek God in where He wants us to serve together, and where He wants us to spend our time together.
I am a people pleaser - so it is & was hard to tell everyone that I am taking a break from serving with them.
The time seems right and our family needs it.
Come fall 2017 - I have chosen to take a break from all planning & leadership roles, babysitting, extra evening activities...and just choose a few support groups and an evening out to connect one on one with friends and grow those relationships. Our family needs to take time to re-connect and learn to communicate lovingly. We somehow have forgotten how to do this.
During this time we will hopefully learn new tools and seek God in where He wants us to serve together, and where He wants us to spend our time together.
I am a people pleaser - so it is & was hard to tell everyone that I am taking a break from serving with them.
Thursday, March 9, 2017
Wrestling with Church...
Where my brain and heart are at right now...
I am not wrestling with my faith or whether or not to go to church...I am wrestling with do I stay or do I go... There are several reasons I am wrestling with this...
1)My daughters... Little A has anxiety, sensory processing disorder, and undiagnosed FASD , and probably ADHD... right now she hates church. I don't want her to associate Jesus with "church" the building...She is so uncomfortable at church - for her...the music is too loud, the floor shakes and makes her body uncomfortable, she has to sit too long (and those who know her - know she is not a sitter)...she has to be moving all the time...her Sunday school class...she has separation anxiety - so she does not want me to leave her (which I do cause I desperately need a break!), her room echos - it is too loud for her, she shuts down so she does not participate or "get anything" out of being there... and the list goes on about why she hates church. When made to sit in church - it usually ends with me yelling at her cause she was jumping pews, climbing on my shoulders, licking me, crawling under the pews, running in and out of the service (to go get water or pee break - just to leave the sanctuary cause she is so uncomfortable in her own body... and I don't make her "just sit" - she has playdough and coloring, and a snack, and a stuffy, and construction headphones to make it quieter, and chewlery so she can bite something other than her fingers till they bleed...
Big A has made so many great connections and friendships, she volunteers in the nursery, and is excited about joining youth in a few months, and does not want to leave.
Mommy - is torn - Mommy does not yet have the connections that Big A does - but she is working on it still and has been for 5 years. It is exhausting trying to manage Little A, fellowship, and worship at the same time. I don't feel like I am really worshiping (giving or receiving) on Sundays - its just fight day... Maybe a smaller church would be a better fit for Little A? Maybe no where is going to be a good fit? Maybe I just need to keep trying - but it is really really really hard!
2)I do feel like I have been a support to our Children's Pastor, we have become good friends in the process of making the Sunday school rooms more sensory / special needs friendly...There is still work to be done here and I feel like I can serve here. I do enjoy this, and it was very encouraging the other day to hear our Occupational Therapist say that the grade 1-5 class is really amazing. Felt like confirmation that I am on the right track and I am doing some good here. I know our Children's Pastor does appreciate it too. I also have felt very supported by our Children's Pastor. She has gone out of her way to support me and my girls. She has even attended an FAS conference with me. (This was a huge one for me)...She goes above and beyond to support me and my girls (It feels pretty great to have her in my corner - she is pretty awesome in my books).
3)Our church theme this year is "Share". Could be quite an amazing year. I see so much opportunity in this word. Share...
Share food together (potluck, theme missions dinners, pizza party...
Share kids together (moms morning out, playtime at the park, movie night, bowling, skating, go to the zoo, beach, hikes, playplace... just do stuff together so our kids can be friends and we can be friends
Share life together (are you wanting exercise? walk with a friend from church, attend a class together, do you like art? maybe someone at church wants to do an art class with you? what do you like to do? is there a way you can do it with someone from the church community? Who knows what kind of a blessing that could be!
Share your gifts with one another.
Share burdens & sorrows (sometimes stuff in life just sucks! Sometimes we want to vent, sometimes we want answers, sometimes we want a hug and a prayer)
Share desires
Share joys (sometimes things in life are amazing)
Share your faith with neighbors / community (we need safe and loving community within our church before we can bring unchurched friends in... - but they would probably feel comfortable letting their kids play in our gym, meeting at a park, going to the zoo in a group, games night at the church, movie night at the church, our church doing life together out in the community. What a testimony that could be,
and many more "shareable" things in life
I have so many dreams and hopes and desires for our church - part of me whats to keep fighting and part of me feels like the fight was long over and nothing is ever going to change... That is where the wrestling all comes in... I still have a little fight left in me.
I am not looking for answers - just writing out my thoughts so I can try and let things go and get some sleep.
I am not wrestling with my faith or whether or not to go to church...I am wrestling with do I stay or do I go... There are several reasons I am wrestling with this...
1)My daughters... Little A has anxiety, sensory processing disorder, and undiagnosed FASD , and probably ADHD... right now she hates church. I don't want her to associate Jesus with "church" the building...She is so uncomfortable at church - for her...the music is too loud, the floor shakes and makes her body uncomfortable, she has to sit too long (and those who know her - know she is not a sitter)...she has to be moving all the time...her Sunday school class...she has separation anxiety - so she does not want me to leave her (which I do cause I desperately need a break!), her room echos - it is too loud for her, she shuts down so she does not participate or "get anything" out of being there... and the list goes on about why she hates church. When made to sit in church - it usually ends with me yelling at her cause she was jumping pews, climbing on my shoulders, licking me, crawling under the pews, running in and out of the service (to go get water or pee break - just to leave the sanctuary cause she is so uncomfortable in her own body... and I don't make her "just sit" - she has playdough and coloring, and a snack, and a stuffy, and construction headphones to make it quieter, and chewlery so she can bite something other than her fingers till they bleed...
Big A has made so many great connections and friendships, she volunteers in the nursery, and is excited about joining youth in a few months, and does not want to leave.
Mommy - is torn - Mommy does not yet have the connections that Big A does - but she is working on it still and has been for 5 years. It is exhausting trying to manage Little A, fellowship, and worship at the same time. I don't feel like I am really worshiping (giving or receiving) on Sundays - its just fight day... Maybe a smaller church would be a better fit for Little A? Maybe no where is going to be a good fit? Maybe I just need to keep trying - but it is really really really hard!
2)I do feel like I have been a support to our Children's Pastor, we have become good friends in the process of making the Sunday school rooms more sensory / special needs friendly...There is still work to be done here and I feel like I can serve here. I do enjoy this, and it was very encouraging the other day to hear our Occupational Therapist say that the grade 1-5 class is really amazing. Felt like confirmation that I am on the right track and I am doing some good here. I know our Children's Pastor does appreciate it too. I also have felt very supported by our Children's Pastor. She has gone out of her way to support me and my girls. She has even attended an FAS conference with me. (This was a huge one for me)...She goes above and beyond to support me and my girls (It feels pretty great to have her in my corner - she is pretty awesome in my books).
3)Our church theme this year is "Share". Could be quite an amazing year. I see so much opportunity in this word. Share...
Share food together (potluck, theme missions dinners, pizza party...
Share kids together (moms morning out, playtime at the park, movie night, bowling, skating, go to the zoo, beach, hikes, playplace... just do stuff together so our kids can be friends and we can be friends
Share life together (are you wanting exercise? walk with a friend from church, attend a class together, do you like art? maybe someone at church wants to do an art class with you? what do you like to do? is there a way you can do it with someone from the church community? Who knows what kind of a blessing that could be!
Share your gifts with one another.
Share burdens & sorrows (sometimes stuff in life just sucks! Sometimes we want to vent, sometimes we want answers, sometimes we want a hug and a prayer)
Share desires
Share joys (sometimes things in life are amazing)
Share your faith with neighbors / community (we need safe and loving community within our church before we can bring unchurched friends in... - but they would probably feel comfortable letting their kids play in our gym, meeting at a park, going to the zoo in a group, games night at the church, movie night at the church, our church doing life together out in the community. What a testimony that could be,
and many more "shareable" things in life
I have so many dreams and hopes and desires for our church - part of me whats to keep fighting and part of me feels like the fight was long over and nothing is ever going to change... That is where the wrestling all comes in... I still have a little fight left in me.
I am not looking for answers - just writing out my thoughts so I can try and let things go and get some sleep.
Saturday, March 4, 2017
Lost and Alone
Today was a very long, difficult, sobering, grieving day.
I went to a seminar / workshop today for special needs youth who are transitioning into adulthood.
I went with a friend who is walking the journey ahead of me.
I am very thankful that she was there.
As I walked into the gymnasium, I saw all the tables full of supports surrounding the gym floor.
I was a little overwhelmed just seeing all the tables...as I slowly walked around waiting for my friend - I started to have a difficult time breathing and was feeling hot and weepy - needed to step out and get some air. I texted her to see where she was - thankfully she was not far away.
As I began to explore the tables more - I was beginning to think that there did not seem to be many supports there for people living with FASD...later I realized that I was very right.
I listened to some of the speakers - and there was one that DID support people with FASD, but not till they turn 16...
Later a few more familiar faces joined the afternoon of listening to the speakers. They suggested supports that were there to go ask questions to and as I went table to table asking if and how they support people with FASD - they all shook their heads saying no.
Later still another familiar face tried to remind me of the supports that I receive due to homeschooling...yes, that is great - BUT - what if I wanted my kids to go to public school so I could go back to work? What if I wanted to have my kids integrated in the public schools? My kids would have absolutely no support. Also - these supports are meant for special needs people in our town and province...we live here too...my children (all children) should be supported somehow!
Then I get home to a child who lets me know that she is not going to church tomorrow.
We talked about it - she does not like the loud music that shakes her ears and vibrates her body, she tells me how uncomfortable it makes her.
The last time we went to church - it was a terrible experience for this child and myself. She had sensory overload - began licking me and climbing on the pews and my shoulders...then disappeared and hid in the church on me...(there is more to the story - but this is the short version)
Keeping my daughter in the service with me is really getting quite difficult. I have seriously tried everything. My daughter does not want to sit through the service and she makes it so I don't want to either...I don't know what else to do. I have tried everything to support her sitting in the service. I bring new activities for her every week (I spend $3-$10 per Sunday to attempt being able to hear the sermon). She has construction head phones to make things quieter for her, she has her sensory items with her, and snack / water available to her too. I understand being with community and fellowship together - people says its just a phase - but special needs is not a phase.
So - long story short - I am feeling unsupported by the government & community. I would like to know where the supports for children with FASD, and anxiety are.
Today I am feeling lost and alone.
I went to a seminar / workshop today for special needs youth who are transitioning into adulthood.
I went with a friend who is walking the journey ahead of me.
I am very thankful that she was there.
As I walked into the gymnasium, I saw all the tables full of supports surrounding the gym floor.
I was a little overwhelmed just seeing all the tables...as I slowly walked around waiting for my friend - I started to have a difficult time breathing and was feeling hot and weepy - needed to step out and get some air. I texted her to see where she was - thankfully she was not far away.
As I began to explore the tables more - I was beginning to think that there did not seem to be many supports there for people living with FASD...later I realized that I was very right.
I listened to some of the speakers - and there was one that DID support people with FASD, but not till they turn 16...
Later a few more familiar faces joined the afternoon of listening to the speakers. They suggested supports that were there to go ask questions to and as I went table to table asking if and how they support people with FASD - they all shook their heads saying no.
Later still another familiar face tried to remind me of the supports that I receive due to homeschooling...yes, that is great - BUT - what if I wanted my kids to go to public school so I could go back to work? What if I wanted to have my kids integrated in the public schools? My kids would have absolutely no support. Also - these supports are meant for special needs people in our town and province...we live here too...my children (all children) should be supported somehow!
Then I get home to a child who lets me know that she is not going to church tomorrow.
We talked about it - she does not like the loud music that shakes her ears and vibrates her body, she tells me how uncomfortable it makes her.
The last time we went to church - it was a terrible experience for this child and myself. She had sensory overload - began licking me and climbing on the pews and my shoulders...then disappeared and hid in the church on me...(there is more to the story - but this is the short version)
Keeping my daughter in the service with me is really getting quite difficult. I have seriously tried everything. My daughter does not want to sit through the service and she makes it so I don't want to either...I don't know what else to do. I have tried everything to support her sitting in the service. I bring new activities for her every week (I spend $3-$10 per Sunday to attempt being able to hear the sermon). She has construction head phones to make things quieter for her, she has her sensory items with her, and snack / water available to her too. I understand being with community and fellowship together - people says its just a phase - but special needs is not a phase.
So - long story short - I am feeling unsupported by the government & community. I would like to know where the supports for children with FASD, and anxiety are.
Today I am feeling lost and alone.
Monday, February 20, 2017
Activities to do with kids in the Fraser Valley.
FRASER VALLEY
ACTIVITIES WITH KIDS…
IN MOST COMMUNITIES:
Pet Store
Movie Theatre
Board Game Cafe
Recycle Depot
Library
Tims coffee date
Mall with a plan and a budget
Fire Department
Pizza Place
Save on
Picnics
Parkour
ABBOTSFORD:
Mill Lake
Walk / run the Track
Trethewey House Heritage Site (Abb)
Mennonite Museum
Spray Park
Fishtrap Creek
Walmsley Lake (Albert Dyck)
Willow view Farm
Eco Dairy
Mann Farms
Taves Apple Barn
Corn Maze
Trout Hatchery
Birchwood Dairy
Tanglebank Gardens
Gagan Petting zoo
Campbell's Gold Honey Farm & Meadery 2595 Lefeuvre Road
Goats Pride at McLennan Creek 308540 Olund Rd
Clayburn Village (Abby / Mission)
Cascade Aerospace Hangar (across from Abbotsford airport)
Get Air
Bowling
ARC (swimming, gym, skating)
Mini Golfing (Castle Fun Park)
Play Abby
Project Climbing Centre
Twisters Gymnastics (Noon Nutties Drop In)
The Reach
Clay Cottage
Glenda’s Christmas Cottage
MaryLynn’s Kitchen for Christmas Baking
Dollar Store for Operation Shoe Box
Dollar Store for 5 & 2 ministries
4 Cats
HOFA Art Supplies / Classes
ALDERGROVE:
Silver brook u catch (ABBY / ALDERGROVE)
The Zoo
Aldergrove Telephone Museum and Community Archives
Aldergrove Lake Park (trails & rock to try and climb)
FORT LANGLEY:
Fort Langley - The Fort
Aldor Acres Farm (5 mins from Fort Langley) (They have pumpkin patch and dairy - some thing dairy is more interesting)
LANGLEY:
Go Bananas (Chilliwack & Langley)
Krause Berry Farms (Langly)
Canada Bread Tour (Langley)
Campbell Valley
Canadian Museum of Flight (Langley Airport)
Penzer Parkour Park
Milner Valley Cheese
CHILLIWACK:
Cultus Lake
Fraser River
Lindemann Lake
Blue Heron Reserve
Cultus Lake WaterSlides
Go Bananas (Chilliwack & Langley)
Chilliwack Museum - has a series of hands-on group classes for elem. children that can be scheduled. They also have a cupboard full of hands-on Discovery Bins which can be accessed anytime.
MISSION:
Stave Falls / Dam - Powerhouse at Stave Falls
Rolley Lake
Golden Ears (Gold Creek)
Mission Museum
HARRISON:
Harrison Lake
Hicks Lake
Othello Tunnels
Bridal Falls
Bridal Falls Waterslides
HARRISON MILLS:
Kilby Store & Farm (Harrison Mills)
Fraser River Safari
SURREY:
Funtopia (indoor playplace)
Surrey’s Heritage Rail
WHITE ROCK:
White Rock (The Ocean)
Darts Hill (Surrey / White Rock area, appointment needed)
Crescent Beach
Blackie Spit Park
1000 Steps
STEVESON:
Britannia Heritage Shipyard is located at the south foot Railway Ave in (Steveston)
Gulf of Georgia Cannery -12138 Fourth Ave Steveston
BURNABY:
Burnaby Village Museum
VANCOUVER:
Whytcliff Park in West Van (long drive) - fantastic for checking out tide pools (see tide charts online).
Reifel Migratory Bird Santuary (Delta, quite a drive but a really neat day trip!)
The Vancouver Aquarium
Science WorldIona Beach – by airport
Barnet Marine Park (tide out = see starfish & crabs)
Barnet Marine Park (tide out = see starfish & crabs)
OTHER:
Hells Gate
Historic Yale(Boomtown on the Fraser)
Favorite Parks / School Playgrounds or places to ride a bike…
Mill Lake
Fish Trap Creek
Grant Park
Auguston Traditional School
North Poplar School
The park at the track (with the amazing zipline)
Matsqui Village Park
Waste Water Treatment plant(my boys especially remember this one and still talk about it! I don't remember the exact name of the facility, but it's located almost underneath the Golden Ears Bridge, on the Port Kells/Walnut Grove side.)
|
ABB *The
Rotary Walking Track
ABB *Discovery
Trail
HAR *Harrison
Hot Springs Magical Spirit Trail
Anywhere *Geocaching
ABB $$Tulip
Festival http://abbotsfordtulipfestival.ca/index.html
ABB Spud
Murphy Park – 32285 Hillcrest Ave (May long – Sept long weekend)
CHILL Cultas
Lake
HOPE Bridal
Falls
MIS Rolley
Lake Prov Park
MIS Rolley
Falls
MIS $$Powerhouse
@ Stave Falls
MIS Stave Falls
MIS Hayward
Lake
MIS Fraser
River Heritage Park
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