Lost and Alone

Today was a very long, difficult, sobering, grieving day.
I went to a seminar / workshop today for special needs youth who are transitioning into adulthood.
I went with a friend who is walking the journey ahead of me.
I am very thankful that she was there.

As I walked into the gymnasium, I saw all the tables full of supports surrounding the gym floor.
I was a little overwhelmed just seeing all the tables...as I slowly walked around waiting for my friend - I started to have a difficult time breathing and was feeling hot and weepy - needed to step out and get some air. I texted her to see where she was - thankfully she was not far away.
As I began to explore the tables more - I was beginning to think that there did not seem to be many supports there for people living with FASD...later I realized that I was very right.

I listened to some of the speakers - and there was one that DID support people with FASD, but not till they turn 16...

Later a few more familiar faces joined the afternoon of listening to the speakers. They suggested supports that were there to go ask questions to and as I went table to table asking if and how they support people with FASD - they all shook their heads saying no.

Later still another familiar face tried to remind me of the supports that I receive due to homeschooling...yes, that is great - BUT - what if I wanted my kids to go to public school so I could go back to work? What if I wanted to have my kids integrated in the public schools? My kids would have absolutely no support. Also - these supports are meant for special needs people in our town and province...we live here too...my children  (all children) should be supported somehow!

Then I get home to a child who lets me know that she is not going to church tomorrow.
We talked about it - she does not like the loud music that shakes her ears and vibrates her body, she tells me how uncomfortable it makes her.
The last time we went to church - it was a terrible experience for this child and myself. She had sensory overload - began licking me and climbing on the pews and my shoulders...then disappeared and hid in the church on me...(there is more to the story - but this is the short version)
Keeping my daughter in the service with me is really getting quite difficult. I have seriously tried everything. My daughter does not want to sit through the service and she makes it so I don't want to either...I don't know what else to do. I have tried everything to support her sitting in the service. I bring new activities for her every week (I spend $3-$10 per Sunday to attempt being able to hear the sermon). She has construction head phones to make things quieter for her, she has her sensory items with her, and snack / water available to her too. I understand being with community and fellowship together - people says its just a phase - but special needs is not a phase.

So - long story short - I am feeling unsupported by the government & community. I would like to know where the supports for children with FASD, and anxiety are.
Today I am feeling lost and alone.